Rabbi RiFat Sonsino, Ph. D
Recently, I published a blog on free will and argued that , even though most of our activities are predetermined by our physical constitution and social environment, we still have a few choices of our own in a very limited way. Let me apply this idea to an episode I had last week.
In early February 2026, I ended up in the ER suffering from shortness of breath because of pneumonia and blood clots in my legs and lungs. So, I experienced in a very personal way the reality of free will, or the lack of it.
I first went to Marlborough hospital (MA) and then to Worcester hospital (MA) where I received great service. The staff was caring and professional. But I quickly lost my ability to act on my own for a few days. At the ICU, I was immediately hooked up to various machines. I was poked repeatedly, my arms bearing various small iv’s . Medicine was pumped into me at odd times of the day or night. I became totally depended on my nurses to do anything I needed. I had to call in for help for every movement I made. One technician/medical student drew blood from the wrong artery, so another one had to come in to rectify the situation. Getting information about my condition took a long time. There was no privacy whatsoever. Even going to the bathroom became a whole production. I had to call one of the nurses to unhook me from all the devices and then accompany me to the John. Nurses even tried to clean me up. I firmly rejected their well-intended actions.
After 3 days in the ICU, in the middle of the night, while I was deeply at sleep, I was moved to a regular room in the hospital. There, too, they had to get all my vitals again (I thought they were in the computer), take more blood, and connect me to different machines which left me once again at the mercy and care of the medical help that changed daily , with the difference that at the ICU the nurses dealt with fewer patients whereas in the regular room, I became part of a large group of sick people who waited much longer for any medical response. After a week in the hospital, I was told that I could leave to become part of the hospital at home program.
Do we have free will? Hardly at the hospital. There must be another way.
I now realize that all of this was done for my well-being, but I was sorry to lose my independence, dignity and freedom of action. I’m glad I came to the ER but I hope I will never return.
Your thoughts or experiences?