I have reached a point in my life
where I no longer expect or seek perfection in anything or anyone. Salvador
Dali, the famous Spanish/Catalan painter once said: “Have no fear of
perfection; you’ll never reach it.” Human beings, being fallible, make
mistakes, either small or big, and need to learn how to deal with their
consequences. I only try to do better, and hope that my errors are rather
benign or correctible.
Everything we do and have in life ends
up being short of the ideal. Examples:
1. There is no perfect joy. It is
always tinged with some shade of darkness. During the Jewish wedding ceremony,
it is customary to break a glass. Rabbinic sources provide various
interpretations for this act. According to one, this is a reminder that even at
the height of our happiness we need to remember the destruction of the
Jerusalem Temple in 586 BCE and then in 70 CE. For me, it means that the bride and
groom must acknowledge that they will experience moments of joy as well as
times of sorrow in their lives. However, the love they have for each other will
enable them to meet the future challenges together with optimism and hopefully
with success.
2. There is no perfect friend or
spouse. What we need in life is not a perfect partner, but a good one; one who
has a kind heart and an empathetic soul. One cannot live with someone who
claims to be beyond reproach. This would drive you crazy, because you would
always feel that you cannot meet that person’s expectations. And that is not a good
recipe for friendship. Better accept each other for who you are, and complement
each other lovingly.
3. There is no perfect job. I don’t
know of anyone who is totally happy with his/her work. Every profession has its
highs and lows. We frequently overlook the difficulties in our work because we
derive so many other benefits by doing what we love best.
The realization that there is no such
a thing as perfection does not mean that we should lower our standards. That is
simple laziness and would represent a personal let down. We should acknowledge
our limitations, do our best, and make the necessary corrections as we go along. And if we do that for ourselves, shouldn’t we
also tolerate and, at times, even overlook other people’s imperfections?
According to a rabbinic text,
everything that was created at the beginning of time needs “fixing,” such as,
“The mustard seed needs to be sweetened, the wheat needs to be ground, the
lupine needs to be soaked and man needs to be repaired (tzarikh tikun, i.e.
circumcised) (Gen. R. 11: 6). The Hebrew Bible tells us that only God’s deeds
are perfect (tamim in Hebrew, meaning, wholesome, pure, complete,
perfect; cf. Deut. 32: 4; Ps. 18: 30; 19: 8), whereas human beings are limited creatures
who can and should improve themselves. That’s all we need to do.
Rifat Sonsino
Sept. 1, 2014
