After 12 years in Ashland, one of the western suburbs of
Boston, we just moved out of our house, and, really, downsized. From a large condo
with three floors, we relocated to a comfortable apartment at the Willows in Westborough,
another western suburb of Boston, which has all the three stages for mature
people, namely independent living, assisted living and ultimate care. Our
apartment has two bedrooms and two baths.
My wife and I found the
experience challenging on one hand and exhilarating on the other.
According to a Hebrew proverb, when you change your place
you change your luck (“meshanneh maqom, meshanneh mazal”). We hope good
luck will continue to smile on us- not that I really believe in such things!!!
The process of moving taught me a few lessons in life, and
here they are:
1. One can live happily with much less:
In our attempt to
downsize, we had to go through our belongings and carefully choose those items
that we absolutely must have in our new apartment. We quickly realized that all
the “stuff” we had but never used for many years can be discarded with no
problem. We had to get rid of my old Kindles, cameras, my mother-in-law’s china
and other sundry items. The biggest challenge we faced was with my large library.
No one wants encyclopedias, periodicals and other scholarly books now. For many
years, I kept all the issues of Biblical Archaeology Review, but when I
attempted to donate them, I could not find a single institution willing to accept
it. I also realized that at my age (almost 80), I will not be using any
Akkadian or Sumerian texts as I did before. So I had to throw them all away,
simply because I do not have room for them in our new apartment.
2. Sifting through our belonging forced us to identify what are
the most important items in our life:
Not everything has the same value or
carry the same weight in our emotional and physical life.
Certain things transcend us. As one gets older, the needs change, and certain
new needs emerge. So, as we packed, we took only those objects that are
meaningful to us now, such as, important family pictures, documents that I plan
to transmit to my children, diplomas that attest to my personal achievement
during the course of my lifetime. Other things we simply gave them away.
3. Nothing in life comes
easy:
````As we planned our move, I fully expected that not everything will
work itself out smoothly, but I never imagined that we would have to overcome
so many hindrances. Almost every day, we encountered another glitch: for a
while we could not find a buyer, until two of them showed up one day; all our
smoke detectors had to be changed; a mistake was discovered in our original
estate document; the charitable institution that was scheduled to hall away our
discarded items cancelled at the last moment; two days before our final stay,
our garage door broke down. This experience taught me that we need to deal with the
exigencies of life with determination, hope and lots of patience-and I lack the
last one.
4. This move tested our marriage:
````As we packed our
belongings, discarding some and keeping others, my wife and I, of 50+ years, often
engaged in serious discussions. At times, we disagreed over many details, but
our love and commitment to one another kept us together, and we managed to
overcome our differences, by respecting each other’s needs and wants, and, at
times, by yielding to opinions expressed in strong emotional language.
I am looking at this move as a new
beginning in our life, fully aware of the Hebrew proverb that “all beginnings
are difficult” (kol hathalot qashot). We will meet new people, adjust to
new schedules, and forge new patterns. But that is life, a series of changes
facing each of us at every corner of our existence. Fortunate are those who can
easily adapt to them.
Rifat Sonsino, Rabbi, Ph.D.
End of August,. 2018
